The Results Are In

Today will be short and sweet.

I got my Praxis results in today. I passed by 4 pts!! I praise God for this because this grade was not possible without Him. My parents were more nervouse this morning than I was. I didn't know at the time whether I had passed or not but I was at peace knowing that my Father in Heaven's will would be done. After I found out I jumped around my house singing and praising God for my victory over this trial in my life; a victory that would not have come if I didn't have Jesus. While I was patiently waiting outside for my grade, I was laying in my hammock reading my bible and listening to worship music. The sky was dark and cloudy and in an instant (literally a second) as I was singing out loud to God the sky cleared and the sun shone through the tree behind me directly on me. I took pictures so that I would always remember that moment in my life. A moment when I was completely and purely dependent on the Lord..to remind me to never lose faith in God. Then when I left to meet my mom for lunch to celebrate there was the coolest image above my house in the sun and clouds so I took a picture of that too.
The Pics:
The Sky above my house: Pic #1. The pic of the sun from my tree: Pic #2
I love these two pics!!!

I will leave you with this. I was reading my mobile bible while waiting on my mom at lunch and I came across this in the book of James:
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
(James 1:12)

♥ Lauren

I Wanna Live With a Fearless Heart

This has been a very good week for me. God has been doing a great work in me this week and things are starting to fall into place, at least where my faith is concerned.

Ever since I gave my life to Christ I have struggled with hearing from God. I could never understand why everyone else heard from God directly but I did not. I was born and raised a Catholic but we never got into the nitty gritty of having an actual RELATIONSHIP with God, so I never knew what it meant to hear from God. Now I'm going to be completely real and honest here: lately, because of my lack of hearing from God, I began to doubt. Not doubt in whether God is real, but doubt in whether my faith and belief in Him was really authentic and real. You can know in your head that God is real without a doubt but to actually believe it in your heart of hearts, down deep in your soul is a completely different story. So I've been plagued with this doubt, trying to figure out and evaluate my heart. This can be a very difficult task because sometimes it's hard to be honest, I mean TRULY HONEST, with ourselves. This became a real big crossroads for me because this would determine true life or death - eternity apart from God or eternity with Him.

On Sunday Pastor talked about the Giants of Old, men of real, raw, authentic faith and love for Jesus. (Men such as Leonard Ravenhill) While he was talking I sat there and longed to have just a fraction of the faith that those men had. Then at my connect group on Wednesday, Bonnie talked about how we have to have order in our lives in order for the Holy Spirit to be able to move. All of a sudden everything clicked. If I were a cartoon characater a light bulb would have gone on above my head. My life right now is the most disorganized it has ever been. I am taking all online classes this semester, subbing, and working here and there. I stay up all night and sleep all day. There is no schedule to follow ever. There is no organization in my day, no order. People around me have been telling me for weeks that I need to get my sleep schedule back normal and start having more structure in my day whether I really have anything to do or not. I would tell them I know but never attempted to rectify how I was living my life. No wonder I couldn't hear from God. There is no order in my life. The Holy Spirit can only move when there is order in our lives, this allows us to be more in tune with the Spirit. If I have a huge lack of daily order and I don't have scheduled time with the Lord and get proper rest, how am I going to hear from God. All these people were trying to tell me that, God was trying to tell me that through them, but yet again, I was too disorganized to really HEAR it. This is now something I am beginning to really work on. I want order in my life because I desperately long to hear directly from God.

Through this evaluation of self I have realized that the doubt was from the devil. He loves to wreak havoc on my life when I let my guard down the tiniest bit. I know I believe in Jesus with ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL. Now that I understand the reason why I wasn't hearing, I know that it's not my faith or belief that was the problem. It was lack of order in my life.

One other thing that has been given to me this week is peace. I get my Praxis scores back tomorrow and for once I am at complete peace with whatever tomorrow brings. My faith in God will not be shaken because things might not turn out how I planned them. 1 Peter:3-7 says,

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade kept in heaven for you, who through FAITH are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer trials. These have come so that your FAITH - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

There will be many trials in our lives, I've been through a couple myself. Trials can either be brought on by our own actions(sin) or they can be of God to test our faith. Trials test whether our faith is genuine and authentic. Does your faith stand up to the trials in your life or is it broken by them? No matter how bad it gets, we have to hold on to our faith. Even when there is nothing left to hold on to. Hold on to faith for dear life! God always sees us through and is there whether we feel like he's there or not. He never leaves. Remember also, God's timing is not our timing.

For the past 5 years my plans were to graduate, get a job teaching, get married and have a happy little family. Until 6 months ago, God didn't play much of a role in my plans. In the past year my world has been turned upside down and now nothing I had planned is going the way I thought it would. I'm sure the entire time I was making these plan God was up in heaven having a little chuckle saying to himself "Oh really, is that what YOU have planned?" Ever since I got saved, I've been seeing that the plans I had for myself were not the plans God has for me. The lucky thing is that God's plans, no matter how they seem at first, are always the best plans anyone could have for life. God said,

" For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Then in Romans 8:28, Paul says,

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Right there in black and white, God tells me His plan is whats best for me. God's plan isn't going to turn out bad. I just have to trust in God no matter where His plan may take me.

My friend once asked me, "What if you don't pass your Praxis and don't get to be a teacher, that's been your plan for the past 5 years!?" I told her that it doesn't matter, that I might just have to come to the realization that the plan that I had might not be God's plan. If it's not then I will be ok. I know God has a better plan for me than I could ever dream of or plan for myself. I trust in God to know what's best for me and I will go wherever He leads me and if that is not into teaching then that is ok. She was shocked at this answer. I myself was surprised at the absoluteness of peace I had in my heart about this answer while I said it. I really believe that no matter what these test scores reveal tomorrow that God has a plan for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, a plan to give me hope and a future. I know everything will work out the way God planned (which is always good) so why should I spend my time worrying about whether MY life plan will workout. I could spend that time seeking after the heart of God and knowing Him so that I may be able to hear Him when he calls and go out into the world and fulfill HIS PLAN for my life.
While I'm ending this I am listening to a song on my computer that completely sums this up for me.....

"I wanna live with a fearless heart
Courage that's coming from trust in God
It's constantly guiding me though the road may seem dark
I wanna live, wanna live with a fearless heart"

That is EXACTLY how I want to live my life.....WITH A FEARLESS HEART!

If we believe in Jesus why do we forget about the evil one who tries to keep us from Him?

There have been a couple things on my heart lately and I just haven't had the chance to write because I've been working every day. So I'll probably share both today in a double blogg!!! YAY! lol Are you as excited as I am? Okay. Seriously now....

Lately I've been thinking about the devil. Yes, Satan himself. I've been wondering a lot about him and who he is exactly. I've been doing a little research, not much, but enough for what I want to talk about. I felt like I needed to know a little bit more about this person who is at war with me and my God every day trying to undermine the progress the Lord is making with me and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Here are some basics about Lucifer before I begin:

• Lucifer was an Angel of God that was bestowed with a beautiful angelic body adorned with precious stones. (Ez 28:13) He was an anointed cherub of the Lord.
  
• However, for Lucifer this was not enough he wanted more. He wanted to be greater than God. This is what is said by Lucifer in Isaiah 14:13-14 " I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the most high. "
  
• Because of this God struck down Lucifer. He was "hurled to the earth and his angels with him." (Rev 12:9)

(this was very brief and basic but just to give a little background. click here to find out more.)

Okay, so now that the basics are out of the way, here is where my issue lies. I find it funny and almost scary at times that people believe in Jesus but not the devil. Some people are fine and dandy when I am speaking about Jesus but as soon as the devil is mentioned people look at me like I'm crazy. So let me put it out there for everyone who has not realized it yet.....

THE DEVIL IS VERY REAL!!!!!

With that said, I thought I would clue you in on Satan's plan. I was reading my Bible trying to find out more about this devil person trying to steal me and others away from God when I came across some information. Here it is Satan's plan all lined up for you to read:

• Doubt- Satan tries to make you question God's word and his goodness.
• Discouragement- Satan makes you look at your problems rather than at God. He also tries to make you think that you can fix your own problems without needing God.
  
• Diversion- Satan makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want them more than the right things; more than the things God wants to give you.
• Defeat- Satan does his best to make you feel like a failure so that you don't even try. He makes you feel that because of your failures you are unworthy of God's love.
• Delay- Satan puts it into your mind to put things off so that it may never get done. (This one hits really close to home for me especially because I am a world class procrastinator. I never realized this was from the devil.)

It is important for everyone to know THE TRUTH. Everything that is worldly and of the flesh is not of God. It is of Lucifer, Satan, the devil, the evil one!!!! He is the "father of lies and all that is false." (John 8:44) Sometimes his way may seem the way to go. He is a master at his craft of manipulation. He has studied us humans for a long time and he has many different strategies for his warfare. The Bible even says he may disguise himself as an angel of light (2Cor 11:14) so that we may follow him instead of the ONE TRUE LIGHT.

This week at our Connect group for church I was enlightened with even more of the truth from Bonnie and others in our group. We were reading in the book of John and learned about the 7 I AM statements of Jesus. So here they are given to you....they pretty much sum the truth up into 7 statements. If you follow Jesus and live by these you cannot go wrong.

Jesus said:

• I am the bread of life. (Jn 6:48) - He is our sustainer. He is our provider.
• I am the light of the world. (Jn 8:12) - He lights the way for us to take. He gives us illumination. He is the very essence and energy of light.
• I am the gate (door). (Jn 10:9) - He is the only way to God. Max Lucado said "Every path does not lead to God. Jesus blazed a stand-alone trail void of self-salvation. He cleared a one-of-a-kind passageway uncluttered by human effort." The Bible says "The work God wants you to do is this: Believe the One he sent" (Jn 6:29) God gives us specific instructions that Jesus is the only way to Him.
• I am the good shepherd. (Jn 10:11) - He is our caretaker. He pulls us back in when we start to stray and if we are lost he leaves the 99 behind to just find us, the one lost sheep. We know the sound of his voice and we follow it.
• I am the resurrection and the life. (Jn 11:25) -He is the ONLY way to eternal life.
• I am the way, the truth and the life. (Jn 14:6) - He is our leader. He is our everything.
  
• I am the true vine. (Jn 15:1) - He is our success maker. He is the root of everything. All good things stem from Him. There is always success in Jesus. Just remember that God turns things around for those who love him. (Rom 8:28) Failure works into God's plan too. He uses everything good and bad for the outcome of the greater good.
  

I know sometimes it is hard being a follower of Christ. You are traveling the road less traveled and sometimes, well most of the time, going against the grain of today's society that is power and money hungry. I have come to realize, that for me at least, it is a daily choice to choose Jesus. I wake up in the morning and say a prayer letting Jesus know I am again choosing him today and will do my best to follow in his ways. I do not always succeed in this endeavor because I am human and sometimes it's a minute by minute choice to choose Jesus. It is a conscious choice to choose the Lord over myself and the world. No one is perfect. We are all works in progress. I am Jesus' work in progress and I hope you are too. We could not have anyone better working on us and molding us into the people we are meant to be.

Satan is the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) He wants to take away the life inside of us all. His sole purpose in life is to drag us to hell with him and keep us away from God. We need to wake up and realize the things he does to keep us from our Savior, our Almighty Father who loves us with an everlasting love. Jesus came to earth to give us a rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10) God wants us to have a full life. He wants us to be happy not miserable. Sometimes when I get bogged down with the lies of the devil I think of some things my pastor once said in reference to John 18:4-5 "Jesus knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, 'Who is it you want?' 'Jesus of Nazareth.' they replied. 'I am he.' Jesus said" Jesus FULLY KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HIM!!!!!! He fully knew he was going to be beaten to a bloody pulp, then beaten again. They say he was unrecognizable. He fully knew he was going to be nailed to a cross and mocked. He fully knew he was going to die. He knew all of this and yet turned himself over. He didn't run from this. How can I think about that and not love this man for what he did for me. He did all that for ME. He did all that for YOU!!!! He asked God to take this cup away and let it pass. (Mt 27:39) He was scared, but he said let God's will be done! Not his will. He loved me and you so much that he endured all of this as well as his Father turning his back on him because of the sin he took on. It breaks my heart to think that this had to happen to MY JESUS!!!! When I think of things in this context...I mean really think about them. How can I choose anything but Christ? How can you?

God loved me sooooooo much he sent his ONE AND ONLY SON to die on a cross for all of my sins - past, present and future. He sent his ONE AND ONLY SON for YOU TOO!!!

CHOOSE CHRIST!!! Not because it's the "right" thing to do (even though it is) but choose Christ because CHRIST CHOSE YOU!

You're Not Shaken

Today is a me day...writing to clear the chaos in my mind and to hopefully remind myself that everything is going to be ok and that God has a plan for me and my life.
(And maybe if you're reading this and are going through the same thing, you'll be reminded of God's love for you and remember there is a purpose to everything and God has you in his arms and he is never going to let go.)

So this story begins with a boy and a girl and ends with a broken heart.......

So many stories have begun this way and have ended this way, so why does it seem like mine is any different?

The beginning was hard. It was probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my 23 years of life. I can honestly say that I understand now how it is possible for someone to die of broken heart. It felt like I was drowning. It hurt to breath. It hurt to think. In all honesty it hurt just to be...sleep was the only place I could escape. I would find comfort in the world of my dreams because the world outside them was a world of turmoil and pain for me. I would wake up daily thinking, hoping, wishing it was all just a really bad dream. The term "broken heart" is true to it's meaning. I felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest and took a knife to it and kept on stabbing.

I kept thinking, 4 years of my life gone and for what? We had plans....we were getting married the next year, going to have babies and live happily ever after. Except this was my distorted view of reality. Our relationship was not terrible but it had many problems. One of the major problems was it was lacking the most important ingredient in any relationship...focus on God. During this 4 year period in my life, I was further from God than I had ever been. I felt God constantly tugging at my heart and swear some days I could even hear Him saying "Lauren, where have you been? I miss you. Turn around, I'm here." I just ignored it for the most part believing this was my destiny and this man was "THE ONE".....but how can someone be "the one" when they speak to you so terribly? How can someone be "the one" when they are not truly being faithful to you? How can someone be "the one" when they physically, mentally, or verbal abuse you? The man I thought was "the one", did all of these things. No it wasn't all the time, but it happened often enough. I was not by any means perfect in the relationship, but I'm done with the days of thinking maybe I provoked him or it was my fault he did these things. A man should never do any of the things listed above, NO MATTER WHAT! There are other ways to deal with things.

Also during this season of my life, I pretty much turned my back on my family. I was a completely different Lauren. My friends noticed, my family noticed, and I know God noticed. People told me this, but I thought I knew better. I confused changing myself with growing up and becoming a "better" person. I was not a better person.

This man that I was dating lacked God in his life. He had been through some very bad and devastating things in his life and was very far from God. We both were. I started to to try and rectify this toward the end of our relationship, but I felt completely and utterly lost. I had forgotten how to be in a relationship with God. I felt like he could never forgive me for the things I had done in the past 4 years. So I would go to church periodically but it never stuck. I found a church that I liked and would go every now and then, but didn't feel like I belonged there.

Everything changed for me one day when I was driving home from Hammond on I-55. I even remember exactly where oin the bridge I was. I had just passed the Manchac exit and was overcome with grief and felt I was about to ripped apart at the seams. It had been about a week since we ended things officailly for good and it was the worst week of my life. I litterally had to hold myself around the middle because I felt like I was going to be ripped apart. I screamed because I couldn't cry anymore, but as this was happening a song came on the radio on K-Love and for some reason it broke through the barrier of my grief and I really heard the song. ( on a side note...I live my life through music. Usually when I have a breakthough of some sort its because of a song.)

The song was He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz. (click the title for the full lyrics)
The first verse grabbed me because it was exactly what I was thinking in my head.

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

Then the end of the verse, "but still You're with me"....it occured to me that God had never left. I just couldn't see through my grief long enough to notice he was there. The chorus went on and confirmed that I was not alone

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I began to feel better. There was still an ache inside but not nearly as bad as before. The Lord was going to carry me through this and I was going to be okay.

Well recently I have begun to forget this and have been talking to my ex again and I am starting to feel my pain all over again. It's been 8 months since we broke up and almost 5 since we seriously ended things for good and stopped seeing each other all together. I thought at this point in the game I would be done and over this....well...not so much. I still have this hollow ache inside me and recently it's been getting stronger and stronger. I feel like I'm not going to have a day where I don't think of him and hurt. I miss him so much and I don't understand the purpose God has for my life right now. I am trying really hard to understand but maybe I am not meant to understand right now. I have recently attached myself to a new song called You're Not Shaken by Phil Stacey. (click for full lyrics) It speaks my thoughts outloud in song. This is just a little taste so you get the jist of it but it's an amazing song that has been ministering to my heart lately...

I am sinking in a river that is raging
I am drowning, will I ever rise to breathe again
I want to know why I just want to understand
Will I ever know why
How could this be from Your hand

When every little thing that I have dreamed would be
Just slips away like water through my hand
And when it seems the walls of my belief are crashing down
Like they're all made of sand

I won't let go of You now, because I know You're not shaken

I am happy to say now I have come back to Lord. I have found a place where I belong in the wonderful family at Connect Church. The people there are relaly amazing and on fire for God. I am learning how to build my relationship with Jesus again and slowly but surely i am on my way to being where I need to be. Of this I am sure. I am beginning to realize, that its not going to be easy and yes there are times when I will struggle with things, like a lost love. But I am starting to realize God has so many things that are so much better in store for me. He has a man picked out for me that will truely be the most amazing love of my life. And while I wait I already have the most amazing man in my life to be in love with..Jesus Christ. No I am not perfect and will never be. There was only one perfect person ever known to exist and he died on a cross for the world's sins. To save us all from perishing in hell. I want to leave you with two things that have been on my heart while I write this....

• "But you, O Lord are a shield around me you are my glory, the one who holds my head high" ~ Pslam 3:3
• A quote I found on a friends facebook: "God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you NEED. To help you. To hurt you. To leave you. To love you. To make you into the person you were meant to be." ~ Annonymous
  

I love you all and hope that this helped someone maybe.
Have a beautiful day!

Peace and Love ~ Lauren

Believe In Your Heart and Confess with Your Lips

This is my very first post and I am not sure what to say but I just came across some scripture that kind of hit me square in the heart as I just read it by chance. I want to share that...I just don't know what to say about it right now because I have been made speechless at the raw truth of it and how real this scripture truly is...

• In fact, it says, "The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart." And that message is the very message about faith that we preach: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the scripture tells us, "Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced." Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. For, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." - Romans 10:8-13

I find this to be such an awesome truth and in theory so simple of instructions, but until just a few moments ago it never really meant much to me. This is all it takes. (1) Believe in your heart that Jesus is your Lord and that God raised him from the dead. (2) Confess this with your lips. Say it out loud. Shout it to the heavens!!!

JESUS IS MY SAVIOR AND LORD AND I BELIEVE HE CAME AND DIED FOR ME TO SAVE ME FROM MY SINS!!!!!

What an amazing message.....
:0)

Peace and Love
xoxoxo